A game like The Quarry — one that’s as dark visually as it is in terms of story — is many things, but "comedy” might not be the first thing that comes to mind. In it, you’re tasked with saving the lives of as many teenaged summer camp counselors as possible, stuck in a forest surrounded by werewolves (or, letting them die on purpose – we don’t judge).
But in a game as spooky as this choices-matter thriller, we could all do with a bit of levity. Over the course of the full moon we spend at Hackett's Quarry Summer Camp we get to know this colorful cast of characters, so their deaths, disagreements, and dismemberments start to feel progressively heavier as the night goes on. Even so, you don’t get an homage to 80s horror without a handful of cheesy jokes along the way, and so we’d like to reflect on the funnier times we had with our counselors before they may or may not have met their ends.
10 Dylan's "Protection"
When the charismatic duo of Dylan and Ryan are searching through Chris' office, Dylan is enamored by the gun hanging on the wall — despite Ryan repeatedly telling him to leave it alone in the first part of the game. But when things get a little more pressing after Nick and Abi return to camp with injuries, Ryan finds himself swayed the second time they’re in the office.
Dylan will try to persuade him by saying, “It’s just like my mom said: if you wanna party, you gotta bring protection.” Ryan laughs and replies, “Well, I think that she was talking about condoms.” And with a smirk, Dylan tells him, “I’m not gonna fuck a bear.”
9 Emma’s On The Nose Commentary
Our resident influencer, Emma spends a lot of time talking to her phone. She’s determined to vlog everything that happens during the horrifying night, and when you get her to the island in Chapter Four, she begins rambling about her feelings for Jacob and what’s going on — carrying the narration through until she’s either attacked by Max in the tree house or gets off the island.
So much of what she says is far too pointed. She complains that Jacob always acts like he’s the main character in a movie, while recording a video for her followers. As she’s inching toward where Max was left for safe keeping, what’s meant to be her over-dramatic pitch for her followers ends up coming true. She talks about how opening the trap door could be the final curtain for her, and if you haven’t gone through the nearby bags, she’s killed instantly when Max is released.
8 The Beer-Dar
Jacob is our resident airhead, an always-silly, always-on jock character at the beginning of the game before the events of the night shake him into panic. We knew we could count on him for some very dorky humor along the way.
When he and Emma search through the general store to try to find party supplies, he begins making beeping sounds and waving his hands around like a gun. Emma asks what he’s doing, and he’s only slightly insecure in explaining, "It's my beer-dar. Helps me ‘dar for beers.”
7 The Counselor’s Creative Cursing
You can absolutely tell these teens have spent their entire summers trying to keep themselves and their oftentimes adult language relatively PG. With the kids having just left earlier that day, our characters come up with some creative ways around cursing.
If Emma tries to kick in the door to the storage room in the general store, she screams, “Ow! Mother – Hubbard!” When Max hurts his foot against the prison bars, we seem him totally unwilling to curse — even when in pain — as he stumbles back to bed saying, “Son of a… binky bonky.” Additionally, depending on your decisions, Ryan might exclaim while he’s in the rum tunnels with Laura, “Jesus, Mary, and Jazzhands!"
6 Cave In
You have a lot of options for how to play the dynamic between Ryan and Laura, and it’s something a lot of players switch upon their second playthrough. If the pair have a relatively friendly dynamic, Laura keeps cracking jokes, and Ryan begrudgingly joins in eventually.
When they’re wandering through the disused and titular quarry, trying to make it to the Hackett House, they can find a sign that warns of cave-ins ahead. Ryan, in his deadpan delivery, will ask Laura, “Cave IN? Well… where’s cave OUT?” Something about his dryness and momentary silence to let the joke marinate cracks Laura up, and it got us as well.
5 How OP These Kids Think Bears Are
If you’re faced with something that goes 'bump' in the night, it’s only human nature to try to explain it away. After all, people might think you’re strange if your immediate thought is werewolves…
We spend the first few chapters listening to the counselors repeatedly suggest that what they’re up against might just be bears, but someone always has a reason why it isn’t — namely because they don’t believe bears live in those woods. Claw marks on the buildings? Bears. Loud noise on the roof? Bears.
Eventually, the things they suggest in fear bears might be able to do becomes a running joke. Dylan asks himself in Chris' office, "Man, why does everyone blame everything on bears?"
4 A Game Of Telephone
With the scary events of the night already well underway, the counselors begin trying to figure out how best to get help for themselves. Ryan and Dylan head back to Chris’ office to attempt to call for help, with Ryan being the one to place the call.
However, the 911 operator barely has time to say the standard, “911, what is your emergency?” before the phoneline is cut. Ryan pulls the receiver away from himself in apprehension, and Dylan asks if maybe he might have hung up. He says, “Maybe you slipped and hung up?” Ryan pauses for only a beat before asking incredulously, “… Do you know how phones work?”
3 A What of Bears?
Once again finding the comedy in the wonderful dynamic between Ryan and Dylan, we follow the pair to the broadcast tower, where Dylan has spent his summer making PA announcements and playlists. He says there might be a way to call for help once the lodge’s power goes out.
During his call for help, he says the counselors are up against “a swarm of bears” in the woods. After he ends the transmission, Ryan stares at him in disbelief and asks, “A swarm of bears?” Dylan, bashful, isn’t sure what was wrong with that, and Ryan corrects his plural with a firm, “HERD of bears.” Still nervous and on the spot, Dylan says, “Yeah, I’ve heard of bears… ?”
2 DJ Dylan
We can’t talk about the scene in the broadcast tower without giving the proper nod to Dylan’s entire SOS transmission. He’s established early on as the jokester character, hiding his awkwardness behind comedy and cool. His rambling, winding broadcast to the world in this panicked moment was so delightfully awkward.
It was especially effective because it was used as comedic relief, sandwiched between two incredibly tense moments in the game. The guys end up in the broadcast tower because the power went out and their friends are being attacked, and immediately after Kaylee attacks the tower. Dylan was an amazing, lighthearted touch we all needed, at what ended up being the world’s worst sleepover.
1 Peanut Butter Butterpops
“Pop, pop, Peanut Butter Butterpops! Pop, pop, pop ‘em in your mouth! Pop!” Have you been singing that ridiculous product jingle since you got this game, too?
We first encounter this apparently legendary snack in the general store with Emma and Jacob, when he tries to explain the majesty of the snack to her. When the pair rejoin the group, Nick is similarly excited about the snack, and they sing the song together. Unable to decide who gets them, the boys begin a shooting contest, with Nick taking the prize every time due to Jacob’s irresponsible gun-swinging. When he wins, he shakes his butt at Jacob, singing the song again.
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