Reddit is unifying in support of one parent and his important decision. A dad took to the Am I The A**Hole forum to share why he decided not to pay for his daughter’s wedding — and asked if he was in the right or wrong.
“My (39M) daughter (21F) is going to get married this June since she was a little girl I promised to pay for her wedding but something happened two days ago, that made me change my mind,” he began. “Background. My ex-wife and I had our daughter at a very young age, (18) we got married, drug stores in falmouth ma after six years of marriage I could find myself and come out to my wife, she understood and we had a very amicable divorce and split custody, my daughter was always daddy’s girl and always got along well with my partner (38M) of 14 years.”
Now, his daughter is getting married and has some specific, hurtful demands. “Since their future in-laws are so conservative and religious, my husband is not allowed to attend the wedding; I said: OK it’s your day,” the Reddit user wrote. “My son (2) can’t attend either. No, it’s not going to be a child-free wedding. I can’t talk about my ‘lifestyle’ because she doesn’t make her in-laws uncomfortable.”
The dad told his daughter that, if her in-laws are so important to her, perhaps they should pay for the wedding. “She got mad at me and called me a child and said that if I keep on with this ‘attitude’ she’ll ask her FIL to walk her down the aisle, then I said: ‘fine if my family isn’t welcomed and I’m excluded, I’m not paying for the wedding,’” he wrote. “She was furious and said I was being selfish, picking favourites, and not thinking about her at all.”
So many people, he concluded, have been upset with him for backing out of the payment. “So AITA here?” he asked.
The definitive answer was nope, he definitely is not.
“The moment your own daughter told you that your partner was not welcome at her wedding because of her homophobic in-laws, you became absolutely NTA,” one Reddit user wrote. “You are not required to pay for an event – not even your daughter’s wedding, not even if once-upon-a-time you promised her you would – at which your life partner, the man you love, the father of your other child, and a man WHO HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT OR BETRAY YOUR DAUGHTER IN ANY WAY (most importantly) is not welcome to stand by your side as a welcome member of your family. Period.”
Another person added: “She can’t disrespect and try to hide your marriage while also expecting you to pay for hers.”
And then there was this very excellent point:
“OP’s daughter is seeking to prioritize her future in-law’s homophobia over OP. As a general rule, if someone is OK with another person’s bigotry, they are supporting bigotry. They are communicating they are OK with it,” a user wrote. “We shouldn’t beat around the bush: OP’s daughter is being homophobic. OP has absolutely zero obligation to support someone else being homophobic to him.”
What do you think? Should he still pay for the wedding?
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